Just a Tech Guy with an Anxiety Disorder
Less Kernel Panic, More Inner Peace
There’s something about sitting in a dimmed office early in the morning with a cup of your favorite coffee and some subtle tunes (electronica / lo-fi in my case). Bonus points if you’ve got a Dog (or a cat…. I guess) nearby. I used to be VERY averse to early mornings, but after 10 years of working with teams that are based in a wildly different time zone, I think I can finally say that my circadian rhythm has finally gotten used to the early start.
It’s often on mornings like this; subtle rays of sunshine filtering in through the curtains, and my white golden doodle curled up in a sleepy ball under my desk, that I manage to summon enough mental clarity to crack a content puzzle I’ve been working on for some time.
Why I Started The Anxious Techie
If you’ve read the SINGLE post that I’ve authored thus far for this Substack you know that it’s been quite some time since I’ve done anything with this publication. It’s certainly not from lack of imagination, or possible source material. However, you sometimes have to admit when an idea DOESN’T work in the format you initially envisioned.
When I created this publication, I had envisioned bringing two core topics in my life together, those being technology and mental health / anxiety. For those not familiar I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder several years back after my mental state had gotten so bad that no amount of distraction via video game or technical content creation / nerdy lab stuff was enough to subdue it. As Mordo in Dr. Strange famously said on the big screen years ago, “The bill comes due”.
After years of therapy and treatment, I had things *mostly* under control (it’s a lifelong struggle). It was at this stage I felt a strong need to share my experiences and learnings with the community with the knowledge that there are countless other people out there dealing with anxiety disorders just like I do on a regular basis. Thus, the idea that is “The Anxious Techie” was given form.
When Good Ideas Don’t Fit the Format
The idea of this publication was to produce content that would be of interest both in the geeky / system admin sense but also for those struggling with anxiety. The intention was for content to focus around the intersection of enterprise tech and mental health and while there is SOME content ideas in that area, there actually isn’t a lot there.
Topic ideation was a struggle, I felt like the ideas that HAD bubbled to the surface wouldn’t provide enough value, and the real issue was the fact that if I went too technical with a post, I lose the anxiety focused readers, and if I don’t go deep enough into the tech, I likely lose the technical audience. Hence the publication took a back seat to other projects.
Clarity in the Quiet Moments
So, coming back to this Saturday morning, where I had made myself adhere to my new sleep schedule regimen (future post on that), and despite my body’s complaints that it was in fact NOT a workday, I sat down with the defined intention to address the Anxious Techie publication. I started with the original goal which was to provide content and a community for those that are struggling to deal with anxiety and other mental health conditions. The tech speak, it turns out is an un-necessary complication in that mission, and as luck would have it, I had already solved my dilemma.
A New Mission for The Anxious Techie
Roughly 6 weeks ago (as of this writing), I had started SysAdmin Weekly the Newsletter. This is a publication that curates useful tech content from the community and also highlights some of the projects myself and my close circle of friends have been working on in the tech space as well.
This technical newsletter also serves as a companion publication for my new-ish podcast, aptly named SysAdmin Weekly.
I realized that I’m already posting a number of technical resources for the community, and as much as I’d like to post MORE tech stuff, I had to remind myself of the original goal for THIS publication; The Anxious Techie - to be a source of help and community for those dealing with anxiety and other mental health issues.
What to Expect Moving Forward
With all that in mind, moving forward this publication will lean HEAVILY into the mental-health, mindfulness, and well-being side of the equation. I’m sure I’ll still look at certain topics and ideas through the lens of technology (that’s just how my brain works) - but the core theme that this substack will center around is “Just a Tech Guy with an Anxiety Disorder” - and all the learnings, support, and community I can muster along with it.
Part of maturing is coming to terms with your own limitations….. and while my personality fights that notion, I can at least not beat my head against the wall trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Stay tuned (and subscribe!) for future content here folks. Not sure what the post cadence will be yet, but the log jam blocking the river has been cleared.
Stay frosty and thanks for reading!